Conclusion

Domestic Violence is not part of a relationship, is not a norm of marriage; you do not have to put up with it. You do not have to put up with someone else's issues; you have to love yourself before you love someone else. Learn to say "No" to violence, learn to choose another life, choose better and most of all be the voice that will save a life, mostly your life. Domestic violence, do not excuse ethnicity, sex or ages. It is like a disease that will take your life if you do not seek attention and support. A partner who does not take responsibility for his actions, who does not accept you for who you are, who acts like a father instead of your husband or partner, and enjoys making you feel bad about yourself. You might want to evaluate the relationship and seek support to determine if he falls into the category of an abuser. Many times we excuse their actions, thinking it is a normal reaction. We see jealousy as, "He loves me, that is why he gets jealous and mad." Jealousy, is a normal feeling up to a certain extent. You should be able to control those feelings, and be able to know who your partner is. When you have no control over those ideas and you act on them, there is an issue that needs to be adressed. However, there is nothing you can do about it. You should not put yourself at risk for someone who does not think about you when they are satisfying their emotional needs.

For many years I believed the excuses and lies my kids' father used to make me believe. Mentally, he used to get me where he wanted me to be. I remember getting beat up and a few minutes later he would cry and say how I caused it promissing, "I will not do it again." I believed him, not because I was stupid, I had no other choice. I was secluded from all my family and friends without knowing that was part of the plan. I was not able to visit my family since we moved to New York where he used to reside. I had no choice but to believe everything he said, I had no other friends but his family who did not know the real man. I guess they knew the brother, who was charming and caring. I would say, "I believed him because he said he loved me." He knew what he was doing and I fell for it. It took me too long to make the right choices, and build up my courage and put a stop to it. I noticed how this decision would change my children's lives and my own. I needed to do something about it and I did. I no longer thought about him. I learned to think about my children and me, who at the time were my main reason in life; they helped me stop the violence. I learned to face the monster by standing up in front of a judge, and demand my life back. I no longer felt pity for the man who claimed to love me, who made so many excuses to hurt me. I still remember the most common one was, "If you didn't get me mad I would not have lost my temper." He always made me feel guilty for something that wasn't my fault. they were his issues and I was being blamed for it.